Tuesday, January 04, 2011
In my anger a few days ago I posted so carelessly that I unintentionally hurt a friend deeply.
It was very easy for them to think what I wrote was being directed at them specifically, when the person/people I saw in my mind as I typed those angry words were echoes from a painful past. My friend had no way of knowing that the post they made on Ravelry illuminated my knee-jerk anger and caused me to examine it, then post about that type of occurrence and my feelings about those incidents, and instead understandably saw my post as a direct and personal accusation and attack relating to the post they made. My clumsy use of language made it easy to think that anger was directed at them, instead of at the people in my past, or perhaps more accurately (if more obscurely), at myself and the sucky parts of my life as it is these days.
Long time readers of this blog probably know I usually have upbeat posts, but I do have darker days. Right or wrong I made a promise to myself not to hide my bad days here, in the hope that someone else will not feel alone in their bad days, but the result is some of my posts get downright whiny at times.
Anyway, the bottom line is I am guilty of the very thing that I posted so vehemently against. I hurt someone by the thoughtless words I used, and I am sorrier than I can adequately express. It may have cost me a dear friend, who did not in any way deserve the pain I gave them. I have apologized but realize that apology cannot erase the harm I have caused. The foremost tenant of my faith is to harm none, and it strikes deeply that I caused such pain. In the interests of honesty, I thought it best to share this part of the journey, too.